


surprisingly painless

by swishyclang



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Drabble, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 01:30:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9944357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swishyclang/pseuds/swishyclang
Summary: Missing scene from yemayas' "oh, i've waited for you". Alec tells Lydia.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [manticoremoons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manticoremoons/gifts).
  * Inspired by [oh, i've waited for you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6197269) by [manticoremoons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manticoremoons/pseuds/manticoremoons). 



> _"Alec sits, nervously, and stares down at his hands. His wedding band gleams gold against his skin. He doesn't know how to do this. He doesn't know how but Lydia is his wife, his best friend, and she..._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _She deserves to know."_
> 
>  
> 
> Missing scene from yemayas' wonderful "oh, i've waited for you".

* * *

 

 

"Lydia..."

 

"Talk to me, Alec," she says, patting the duvet beside her.

 

Alec sits, nervously, and stares down at his hands. His wedding band gleams gold against his skin. He doesn't know how to do this. He doesn't know how but Lydia is his wife, his _best friend_ , and she...

 

She deserves to know.

 

"Remember our wedding night?" he asks.

 

Lydia chuckles. "Yes. You were so drunk."

 

Alec winces. Maybe bringing up their wedding night wasn't the best way to start this.

 

"Alec..."

 

He hears Lydia shift closer, but he doesn't look up. He can't.

 

"Alec, look at me," she says. There's a gentleness to her voice, a kindness, that makes his heart clench. Lydia's so _good_ to him, always.

 

Alec raises his eyes and has to look away immediately. She's looking at him like she can see right through him.

 

"Is this about..."

 

Alec freezes, waiting for the word. The name.

 

 _Magnus_.

 

"Is this about the... intimacy thing?" Lydia asks.

 

The breath wooshes out of him so fast he barely even realises he'd been holding it.

 

Lydia seems to take his silence as an answer. "Alec, it's okay. Not everyone wants sex. You don't have to want me, you know I'm okay with the way we are. I love you, Alec. You know and I know it's not like that, we're not... like that, but it's _okay_ , it works, and you're my best friend -"

 

"I'm gay."

 

Silence.

 

Alec squeezes his eyes shut. Great. His wife tells him she loves him and he says _that_. And yes, he'd come here to tell her, and he'd known it wasn't going to be easy, or nice, or _fair_ , but... really? _"I'm gay"_?

 

He's torn out of his own head when he's tackled down to the bed, and he finds Lydia's hugging him, squeezing tight, face buried against his neck. Before he can ask what the _fuck_ is going on she lifts her head and grins brightly at him.

 

He hasn't seen her looking this happy since the Clave signed over the New York Institute to them the day after they married.

 

"Alec," she says, still beaming at him. "Oh, Alec, I'm _so proud of you_."

 

_What?_

 

He must have said it out loud, because she laughs. It's light and breathless and he doesn't understand.

 

She looks at him tenderly, an expression on her face that he's only seen from one other person before. In that moment, she looks just like Izzy. "I never thought..." She trails off, laughs again. "I never thought you'd say it."

 

"Wait, you _knew_?" He gapes at her.

 

Lydia sits up, tucking stray wisps of her hair behind her ears. She looks faintly apologetic. "Um. Yes. Not right away, of course, but after the wedding night and a couple of other things I started to. And... then I realised that maybe no one else did. And that you didn't want to think about it. And by then you were one of the most important people in my life and I just... didn't want to hurt you."

 

Alec gazes at her in astonishment. Then he tamps down on the relief he feels because this is only half done. "I -" His voice sticks in his throat. "I don't deserve you," he says quietly.

 

"Oh, Alec, no." She takes his hand, pulls him up until he's sitting again and nestles into his side. "There's nothing wrong with you."

 

"I-it's not that," he says, reluctantly. "There's... There's more. I... met someone."

 

Lydia runs a hand through his hair and hums, encouraging.

 

"We've, uh. Been seeing each other." He waits. He waits for the soothing hand in his hair to be withdrawn, for Lydia to sit up and order him out, for the anger he knows he earned.

 

"How long?" The hand doesn't stop moving. Lydia's voice is quiet and calm.

 

"Uh... a while? It's... I didn't mean to, I swear to you Lydia, I'm so sorry -" and he's holding her tightly now, wanting to shield her from his failures even as he keeps laying them out in front of her "- so sorry, I never wanted to be that guy, and now I am, and I just - I'm _sorry_ , Lydia."

 

Lydia just holds him, one hand still carding through his hair, the other firm on his back as he leans into her. "Ssh, it's alright. It's alright, Alec, we're okay."

 

Alec realises he's breathing hard, sobbing dry breaths as he babbles apologies. He stops, swallows them down. He knows apologies aren't enough for this.

 

"Alec, look at me."

 

It's the second time she's said that tonight and Alec still doesn't find it any easier to obey, but he owes Lydia this.

 

She smiles at him. "Alec, listen to me. I love you. That means I want you to be happy. Does this man make you happy?"

 

Alec thinks of blanket forts and sly smiles, movie nights and warm skin and glitter. He thinks of a man who burns bright and strong and he wonders why anyone could bring themselves to leave him. Alec never wants to leave him. "God, yes."

 

"Good. Then that's all that matters right now. The rest we can figure out as we go."

 

Alec holds on tight to his wife. He really doesn't deserve this. "I love you, Lydia," he says. He needs her to know that. It isn't the same as what he feels for Magnus, not even close, but she's the best friend he's ever had.

 

She holds his hand and smiles, wide and genuine. He thinks she might be basking in his happiness. "I know."


End file.
